I read this today on a friend’s Facebook page:
“Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true.
Losing someone hurts.
Everyone gets these things confused with love. But in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.”
We will stumble, crash and land into a pile of shit of our own making when it comes to matters of the heart. Sometimes, we are so wrapped up in our search for emotional sustenance, we obfuscate the needs of the other person. Perhaps their sense of urgency isn’t about a lasting connection. It can be a moment of vulnerability, of needing that human interaction to stave off that powerful sense of loneliness we all get from time to time.
It flares hot, hot enough to burn until you find the means of cooling them down. It’s a fever, a burst of madness. Holly Golightly called these feelings the “mean reds,” emotions so intense they are not some common variety of the versions of the blues.
Can it be viewed as selfish? Yes. But the real selfishness is the naiveté of thinking it’s about you, when really it’s about them. Confusing their explosion of passion with being a lifeline is dangerous. Again, you need parity to make that sort of emotion flourish into something that caters to both your needs. Parity takes time, patience and the will to not let your own need overwhelm the delicate diplomacy required. That’s what creates a strong bond. That’s what allows for a foundation of trust with which to build something lasting, with friendship representing the first floor. Anything beyond that is up to fate.
I have a propensity of getting carried away. You don’t always get a second chance when you allow the mean reds to color your rational self. In light of recent events, I hope I’m proven wrong. To err is truly human and to forgive is divine.
And I took too long to simply say, “I’m sorry.”
In the meantime, it is equally important to forgive ourselves. Because, as Mary Chapin Carpenter writes in “Why Walk When You Can Fly”
“In this world there’s a whole lot of shame
In this world there’s a whole lot of sorrow
And a whole lotta ground to gain
When you spend your whole life wishing,
Wanting and wondering why
It’s a long enough life to be living, why walk when you can fly…”
Let them wings spread out and be strong. We are not a weak as we sometimes think we are…