The worst part of digital dating is that touch screens are about as connected you are going to get with your prospective Romeo. With a swipe of the finger, he’s courted, kissed and kissed you off before you even finish this sentence. Now, such behavior is nothing new, it’s just available on a new platform of communication. It has always been easier to process quantum physics than to understand the male heart and mind.

What the Internet has done is turn cruising into a veritable Sizzler menu, allowing for thumbnails to represent all that you are without nary a thought to your being a human being. Bad behavior has never been this bad — or ridiculous.

So, consider this a dash of Selsun Blue for your dating soul. Want to wash out the flakes? Offer this questionnaire based on the most common untruths that still exist today. (I mean, come on. Think of some new ones already. It’s 2014):

1. Do you have a sick family member or friend who needs constant care and will coincidentally interrupt all of your plans?

2. Does work control your life in that you are required to return to said office (or wherever) just before we are supposed to meet?

3. Have you been feeling ill lately and will somehow still choose the peak of your sickness to be when we plan on meeting?

4. Do the terms “meet,” “exchange phone numbers” and “hang out” trigger a stroke that causes you to go mute and disappear?

5. Will you, at any point, mention that you are actually seeing someone and his BF doesn’t actually know you’re “open?”

If they answered yes to any of these questions then please feel free to move on and talk to someone else who might give a damn.

Done. Right.

Tuesday, October 28. Written and posted from Wayne Avenue Manor, South Pasadena, CA.

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